Scintillations and Vacillations

I was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder and Adjustment Disorder with Depressed mood back in October and I am trying to fight it by giving myself a little mental reset, i.e. sick/vacation leave. My doctor prescribed some meds to keep me sane as I go through these since most likely, this will be a lifelong condition. Right now, I am away from all that stresses me out and it helps to take a step back and not confront everything head on everyday, which is kind of my daily grind.  Having to embrace the grind everyday took its toll on me earlier than most of my peers... Or so I thought. Probably, some of them has my condition too but don't know if that really is the case, or denies having it, but then, who knows? Anyway, most people would probably asking what is wrong with embracing the daily grind. Nothing, really, I'd say, but of course, our brains can only take so much. Plus, I unknowingly cause myself some harm by trying to think too hard, or simply trying a little too hard...

I used to be a crybaby, like I would always be my uncles' favorite person to mess with, because I'm a kid who'd cry a waterfall. My parents are pissed about it because, you know it, Filipino parents hate it when their male eldest son is a crybaby, because that male eldest son is expected to be next-in-rank to the father and he's supposedly tough, gritty, and strong. That's not what I am though. I was actually surprised when my mother told my sister that I was really tough. I thought it was a wrong perception of what I really feel --- I just try to hide my issues to myself because they would ask me to do so anyway and ask me further to toughen up, to fight regardless. It indeed was a tough act. But I don't feel that I've toughened up by doing such. I just don't trust anyone would pay attention and just invalidate all my struggles, that my struggles are far too shallow compared to the poverty they've been into and all.  Workplace is even worse. I have ...