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Some Musings

I was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder and Adjustment Disorder with Depressed mood back in October and I am trying to fight it by giving myself a little mental reset, i.e. sick/vacation leave. My doctor prescribed some meds to keep me sane as I go through these since most likely, this will be a lifelong condition. Right now, I am away from all that stresses me out and it helps to take a step back and not confront everything head on everyday, which is kind of my daily grind. 

Having to embrace the grind everyday took its toll on me earlier than most of my peers... Or so I thought. Probably, some of them has my condition too but don't know if that really is the case, or denies having it, but then, who knows? Anyway, most people would probably asking what is wrong with embracing the daily grind. Nothing, really, I'd say, but of course, our brains can only take so much. Plus, I unknowingly cause myself some harm by trying to think too hard, or simply trying a little too hard. I guess I've been too hard on myself. Thing is, survival mode in the office is getting harder and harder each day to the point that I regularly think that I was in trouble. Or any day, I could get punished over something. 

Yeah, I've been too hard on myself. That's why. 

But then, I feel a little better mentally now that I got to step away from everything. I may be ready to get back to work and all the frustration that may lie therein. Much as I want for everything to be roses and daisies, it isn't. There's just as much weeds as there are flowers in this garden called life, and walking around it involves not just smelling the flowers, but the entirety of the garden.

There's beauty in contrasts. Music is better when the lows and highs mingle. The smell of the flowers go together with the smell of wet dirt. Life has to go with some bad events so I can appreciate the beautiful ones. And so, when I conclude these moments of quietness, I'd be ready to face all the oh yeahs and the what the hecks. 

Maybe soon, I'll pick some flowers to adorn all the monuments that God has built for me. 

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