Snake: I follow the will of the leader, no matter who's in charge
Boss: People aren't the ones who dictate the missions.
Snake: Then who does?
Boss: The times.
- Metal Gear Solid 3
*******
I have not done my reflections in the past, but I guess this is the perfect time to do it. Perfect because the series of things that have happened to me the past week was sort of life-changing. Is this post necessary? Not much, but try to scroll down and read.
In the last few years of my life, a lot of people close to me tell me that I must "change" for the "better", and recently, I was involved in an argument where the other party pushes me to be like the latter. Of course I was mad about it because what that person wants is for me to become the opposite of who I am now. It will be a complete 180 degree turn.
People will say that I must change because if you love the person, you must change for that person. For me that is repression, not unless it is something that one wills to be a part of.
A person remains to be who he or she is because it is something that works for him or her. One's identity, apart from the DNA, is formed by how one react to experiences, upbringing by surrounding people, and self-discoveries, and most of the time, as these are put together as the person matures, the set of values that makes up a person's identity may become rigid, but that is depending on the willingness of the person to give up one of those values and learn another.
What some people fail to understand is that people can not simply change by one talk or one word. No can do. I have already established the rigidness of one person's identity. A person only changes if he/she feels that the change is needed, i.e. if the current set of values that he has will no longer work for him/her or worse, is destroying him/her or a lot of people around him/her. (We must be careful of this though. We are not talking about a person's perceived effect on him/her, but about the direct effect of the value on the person.) Hence, a change is a reaction to the times, a reaction to what is around him or her.
Change brought about by other people then is futile, especially if it was forced. I remember one cartoon I watched when I was young. It was a family of owls who all sang classical music, except for the youngest who sang blues. The poor young owl wanted to do his thing on the radio talent show, knowing he wanted to sing and he can really do his thing as his passion led him, but his father won't let him, as he wanted his young one to sing it the way he does (probably that was the only way that he knew how to sing). Of course, the father realizes as his young joins that talent show that he longed to be a part of that his kid was just being who he is --- just a kid who sings blues. He may not be like them, but he got the heart of the judge in that talent show in the end.
In this case, the Owl Jolson (the name of the young owl) stood his ground and sung his song " I love to singa" (view this song on YouTube, guys), and soon enough, the unsupportive father became his number one fan. Loving a person is like that. Even if you do not agree with the person, you tolerate his existence.
People these days are too sensitive with their differences with other people. Most of the time, from work to home, people would complain about another person's behavior especially if it is something that they dislike without even understanding where other people are coming from. Relationships turn sour because the couple cannot get the changes they want from each other. Then these people will be asking what could've been when things end.
Changes have to be internal. Asking a person to change for you will result to a non-genuine change since change did not come from his own realization that change has to be made. The need for the change never affected him, but affected you. It is just like putting band aid on a wound that is three inches deep. It will only stop the bleeding for a while but after a few minutes, the bleeding becomes profuse.
Well of course nobody wants a gash, but the best way to heal a wound is to let it heal on its own.
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